Thursday, January 8, 2009

Create a New Blog

so I feel like I havnt posted in awhile, pretty much because I have nothing to post about. Im stuck at home and havnt done any work cause im a complete piece of shit. I dont really work which I need to be doing cause I dont have any money, however I am suppose to start up FOM. Me and Garrett will hopefully meet up soon to start FOM which I like to call a Mag or Magz, which is made up slang for a DIY magazine thats more than just a stupid little "zine", anyway after endless hours of trying to figure out a way to get the name because its takin yet has never been used nor has any contact info for the owner, ive decided to just think of some clever names that we could possibly used. And since there is no limit I decided to just register all my ideas just incase there is someone with rediculous referances wanted to make terrible blogs aswell. So far ive got these registered...

so go over and check those out if you have some time.

anyway I was trying to think of something I can write about to fill my time, and I figure since I am up till about 6 am every night, I might as well spend it doing more than watching the terrible movies on demand, and instead writing about these terrible movies while I watch a terrible movie. At first when I started writting this entry I decided to give I am Ledgend a second chance, it was on for about 7 minutes before I changed it to Untracable.

anyway, some movies I watched recently was Bobby, Diary of the Dead, I Know Who Killed Me, Doomsday and Southland Tales.

Bobby was actually good so Ill skip that one, good job Emilio, but def not your greatest work.

Now Diary of the Dead, that was a bad movie that could have been decent really. It was a decent zombie movie, and Romero did a good job of keeping all the zombies slow like they should be unlike the new Dawn and Land movies. However Romero tried sooooo hard to return to his Night of the Living Dead days and make more than just a zombie flick, but make a film with a strong social commentary, which this bullshit had tons of, only in an extremely "attempting to connect to the youth" way. The whole movie was shot in first person and was all about our societies obsession with documentation whether it be the truth or simpy entertainment. Anyway, after quick mentions of youtube and myspace including a converstion about how many "hits" they are getting, the movie took a final twist to throw in another strong social commentary where we see hicks using zombies as target practice and using a female zombie to blow up with a 12 gauge with the final line questioning "are we even worth saving". well after an hour and a half of shaky cameras, a shitty Sarah Conner rip off monotone monologue voice over, and this fucking clown who was a cliche drunk european veteran who spewed shitty meaningful one liners about war and killing, I had just about enough. Luckily it ended abrubtly like most terrible movies and left me completely unsatisfied.

A deaf Amish man who helps the college rejects.... fucking clown shoes.

Ok well now onto Doomsday, wow, I was warned by Jonny Stains about this one, but I decided not to regard his terrible opinions when it comes to someone who didn't like X-Men 2, The Dark Knight, Armageddon, The Cable Guy, Wayne's World, or even Die Hard... I mean really who doesnt like Die Hard.

Anyway, Doomsday, its hard to show really how bad this ones without watching it and pointing out the insanity in this one. Simply put the guy who directed this garbage heap, who also did the Decent, garbage, obviously just decided to rip off parts of several other movies he enjoyed and edit them together to be a full length movie. It starts off with a S.T.A.R.S type swat troop invading a Mad Max run city with Post apocolyptic neo punk psychos with many scenes clearly ripping off the Warriors including a scene stolen DIRECTLY from the Skinhead Bus scene, though on a side note he did throw in an homage to the Warriors by having a baseball fury in the crowd of punx. anyway, turns into of course a lone Heroin whos sexy yet still badazzzzzzzzzz (rez evil type) who evetually escapes these rebelz. To make this review short cause there is noo point in wasting time any more. This Heroin leads her rag tag troop to a land of knights and castles.. YES, KINGHTS, and CASTLES! then steals a Bentley to get away from the Knights...Bentley, Knights, just checking to make sure you are following. This leads to a terrible straight out of Mad Max car chase with the punkz again, which is set to Two Tribes, because when i think of a sweet car battle, i think of 80s new wave as well. well this chase ends in the bentley ramming straight into the side of a bus, but in a terrible Speed type of way somehow launches into the air and lows through it without a scratch. And thats pretty much the end of the movie. Oh there is a massive Zombie outbreak the whole time aswell thought you only see them for half a scene and they get about 2 minutes of screen time.

So just to recap, if you want to make a film all you need to simply do is this:

1. make a list of movies you like, in this case, the Warriors, The Road Warrior, Resident Evil, First Knight, The Transporter, and of course A Knights Tale.
2. Recreate scenes, setting, and characters from these movies directly
3. splice them all together with simple transitions and plotlines that are god awful.
4. make money because people are stupi
5. be hired to make the sequal, which Doomsday is making.

Ohh and just to let you know, at the end the Heroin decides not to return to zombie invested London, but rather returns to the Punk hell hole, present them with their leaders decapitaed head, and is quickly accepted as their new leader.

well I would love to end this post with a great critiques of Southland Tales, which wasnt that bad really, and of course the mecca of greatness I Know Who Killed Me, Lohan's own Citizen Kane. But you'll have to wait for another moment of boredom for that one, casue right now I just couldn't handle reliving the pain.